Missing Her
by M.Koffe
Summary: Jason can not remember the last time he celebrated Christmas, and is apprehensive about being so far away from home. Say Anything AU.


**Christmas themed fic! :D**

* * *

It was Christmas day, and it was the first time that Jason would be celebrating with a family. However, this was all way too overwhelming and he needed to be alone. He had not slept at all on Christmas Eve, despite laying in bed the entire time. His arms were wrapped around a pillow, and he was curled on his side.

The previous evening, Dick's mother spoke to Jason. It was her that made the suggestion that he stay the night in a room to himself. Jason was drafted into baking duty simply because he walked in the kitchen of the hotel room they were staying at the wrong time. Mary was baking a few dozen cookies for the Christmas party that the performers and workers of Haly's circus put together.

"Do you bake?" Mary asked as she began to mix a second batch of dough.

"Sort of, yeah." Jason shrugged, and added, "Back at Gotham, I worked at a bakery. Before that, my mother showed me how."

"Good, that way I wont have to waste time having to teach you." she tossed him a spoon and he caught it with ease by the handle. "Good catch."

"Thanks." Jason smiled, and ventured deeper into the kitchen.

Baking on Christmas Eve was something that Jason would do with his mother. As he cut the cookies, he began to remember the times he did the same thing with her. It was one of the few times him and Catherine could spend time together and for those few moments there was nothing wrong in the world. There was no financial stress, and drugs seemed to be so far away.

"How is Dick treating you?" Mary inquired, opening the oven to slip the pan in.

Jason blushed, and hid his face in his shoulder, "Um...great." their relationship was still so new, that whenever he thought of Dick, he felt his heart begin to race and his blood rush.

"Are you always this shy?" she teased, stepping beside him.

"Yes." he half smiled, and turned his attention away from his shoulder and back to the cookie dough.

"I'll do that, why don't you mix together another batch of dough." Mary suggested.

"Sure." Jason walked over to the table where she had all the ingredients set out, but realized he had nothing to mix it in, "Hey Mom, where is the -" and he stopped himself, bringing his hands up and cupping his mouth after he realized what he had called her.

The tears suddenly began to roll down his face, and he realized how much he missed her. Mary did not respond to him from calling her that, but she did notice how he had frozen up. "Jason?" she took a few steps toward him. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head, knowing that he would be unable to speak and enunciate his words correctly. Understanding that he was to emotional to speak, she wrapped her arms around him and told him, "Shhhh, it's okay to cry." she ran her hands down his spine, trying to sooth him.

Telling him it was okay, and holding him in a way that was so warm and unfamiliar, made him break down more. Mary was so kind to him, so much so that he felt comfortable with her. She reminded him of his own mother.

Jason wrapped his arms around her, and set his head on her shoulder and sobbed. "I miss her – I miss her so much." he admitted, with a chocked voice.

"I'm sorry..." Mary whispered, and continued to rub his back.

"I'd visit her grave...every Christmas." Jason uttered. "But..." he felt alone, he should be alone but he was not and he did not know what to do.

"Look at me." she ordered, softly.

After a few sniffs, he lifted his head and stared at her, "Y-yeah?"

"Would you like a room to yourself?" Mary questioned, she tilted her eyebrows in worry. "So you can be alone and think. I remember Dick telling me something about you, that you prefer need a lot of privacy sometimes."

Jason thought about it for a minute before answering, "You'd do that?"

"If you need to be alone for the next few days, of course." she guaranteed, with a smile.

"Thank you."

Jason missed his mother, being so far away from her made him nervous and scared.

As she promised she got Jason a room for himself, and he had been there all night and part of Christmas day. Dick kept sending him text messages, it was not annoying but rather encouraging. He had his phone on silent, but every few hours he would check it to see the time and he'd notice a handful of new messages. Most of the texts brought a small smile to his face, it was nice knowing that – that he had a family that cared about him.

Before he disappeared into the hotel room, Mary had given him a hug and told him, "I love you."

As she said those words, he felt his knees begin to shake and the tears wanted to come out again. Dick had often told him that he loved him, but it was different when Mary said it. He did not know how to respond. To keep from crying in front of her again, he bit down on his lip, nodded, and slipped into his room. Once he was alone, he collapsed into the carpet and sobbed for what felt like hours.

Once he found the strength, he stood up and dragged himself toward the bed and that was where he stayed.

Earlier in the day, Dick had messaged him, _I'm going to wait outside your door until you feel good enough to come out._

It had been several hours since Dick had sent that, and Jason wondered if he was still out there. He stepped off the bed and made his way to the doorway. Slowly, he opened the door and peeked out. Dick was sitting outside, his back was against the same wall the door was. Jason opened the door wider, and caught Dick's attention.

"Hey..." Jason whispered, his throat felt raw and dry. He knew would not be able to speak very loud.

At the sight of him, Dick jumped up and with an equally quiet voice asked, "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah...I – I just needed to be alone." Jason told him with a sigh, he reached for Dick's hand, "You want to come in?"

"Sure."

Jason pulled Dick into the room by hand and the pair sat down on the bed, "I can't believe you waited out there for..."

"About seven hours," Dick recalled. "Since eight in the morning."

Jason stared hard at their hands that were laced in between them. It was hard to comprehend that Dick was so worried that he would wait outside for that long just to see if he was okay.

Seeing the tense look in Jason's eyes, Dick stroked the side of his face, saying, "You're not alone anymore. You never will be. I know it might come to you as a shock, but everyone here cares about you. Not only that, but you have a family now that loves you."

Jason let out a breath, "I've never had this much support, I guess."

Dick stood up and and grabbed Jason's other hand, "You have to keep moving forward." he yanked Jason up to his feet. "I'm not saying to forget about your mother, but not to keep her death from keeping you from making new bonds with new people."

Jason knew Dick was right, but it was so hard.

"If it makes you feel better, I got you a present." Dick let go of Jason's hands and dug into the pocket of his jacket. He pulled out a red rectangular box and handed it to Jason who took it in his hands reluctantly.

"But Dick, I – I didn't get you anything." he admitted. "I've never had too for anyone for so long that it just slipped my mind and -"

"It's okay." Dick informed, with an understanding smile. "Open it."

"Yeah, okay." Jason undid the green bow, and then lifted the lid of the box. He gasped at what he saw, "Dick – Thank you." It was a small square silver locket hanging on a silver chain. Inside the locket, was a picture of Catherine. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome." Dick beamed with happiness, he helped Jason put the locket on.

"I love you."Jason wrapped his arms around Dick, "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Dick told him back, and left an arm on his shoulder. "Now, you wanna go have some fun at the Christmas party?"

"Um..."

"Come on," Dick urged, playfully. "Let's go, it will be fun."

"Fine," Jason decided, feeling that he owed it to Dick.

Jason, nor Dick were dressed for the occasion, but they were welcomed into the party anyway. Jason still felt uncomfortable around so many people, and for security he held on to Dick's arm. Dick did not mind, he knew what was going on in his boyfriend's head. That he he was scared, and being around so many people at once was not something that he was used too. No one knew about their relationship, many figured Jason had just become attached.

It was not until the pair made their way under a mistletoe did everyone realize the depth of their relationship. Dick lifted Jason, whirled him around and pressed their lips together. They were so focused on one another, that they did not notice the loud gasps coming from the people around them.

One of the performers elbowed John, "Hey, do you see what your sons are doing?"

"Hmm?" John's eyes followed the performer's finger was pointing in. "Oh, yeah. They do that all the time. It's almost impossible to pull them apart, I have to pour a bucket of cold water on them to get them to separate."he joked, and then turned to Mary. "Did you know that Jason was here."  
Mary turned around and saw the pair pecking kisses on one another, "I guess Dick persuaded him to come out." She smiled at the sight of the pair holding each other. Dick was holding onto Jason by his lower back, and he had legs wrapped around Dick's middle and his arms around his neck.

Looking over Dick's shoulder, Jason noticed John and Mary smiling at them. He waved and called, "Mom! Dad!" and announced, "I love you!"


End file.
